2011 update

I'm going to steal my mom's blog idea and write a post on our not so fun year so here it goes.

This year started off with Kyle starting is new job as a Marine Corps Recruiter. We knew that it was going to be a big change for him and for our family with longer hours and more pressure but we just didn't know how hard it was going to be. It's one of those situations that you hear from other people how hard it is but you don't understand until you're in it. Like everything he does, he's very good at his job but it is VERY stressful and it's hard to see him doing something he doesn't enjoy. The thing I keep telling myself and him is that he could be deployed. At least he gets to come home every night (well almost every night). I try to look at the positives but it's hard sometimes. I don't think things have gotten easier with his job but we've slowly adjusted.

In April I found out my little sister (who is 19 and a senior in high school) was pregnant with twins and she has chosen to live in a house for unwed, homeless mothers instead of with my mom. This pregnancy has brought up a lot of "why God" prayers in my life which I realize is not how it should be but it is. I won't get into specifics but I will say that a lot of changes need to be made on her part for these babies. After six months of being sad, angry, worried, and indifferent, I think I've finally turned the whole situation over to God. I am not in control of her life or her decisions, God is. The only thing I can do is pray and that's what I intend to do. It is still a very difficult situation for my whole family and there are a lot more question marks than I am comfortable with. It's been a struggle for me mostly because instead of my sister and I getting closer and sharing pregnancy stories, this has pulled us farther apart. I really don't know if our relationship will ever be repaired and that is something else I'm not in control of (sorry if none of that made sense). There is only so much one person can do and a relationship is two-sided.

On top of that, my little brother went to live in a rehabilitation boys school in Kentucky about two months ago. This was not something that any of us wanted to happen but it was very much needed. He was very angry at everyone and was starting to get violent with my mom. I can honestly say she tried everything before she made this decision and it was not made in hast. He will be there for at least a year. I really don't think I've dealt with the fact that he isn't around and won't be for a while. I haven't let the thoughts of missing him and him missing out on family events into my mind. I refuse to think about them or deal with them. I look at the situation very logically and I don't let my emotions in at all. That's the only way I know how to handle this right now. I haven't cried, I haven't gotten angry, I haven't gotten sad. I refuse to let myself go there. Maybe I'm avoiding my feelings because I feel like I need to be the strong, logical one right now. I don't know. I know someday I will let those feelings in and I will have a breakdown but for right now I'm OK with burying those feelings.

There have been some good things to come out of this year. The first (and most important) is Kylie's birth. She is already six months old (I'm going to write and update later)! I can't believe time has gone by so fast. She has brought so much joy and happiness to our family when we really needed it. The other thing that is awesome is being so close to our family that we get to see them a couple times a month. Its been really nice getting to spend so much time with my family. William loves spending time with his cousins, his aunts and uncles, and his grandparents/great grandparents. The only thing that would make it better is to have Kyle's family here too!