This morning while I was laying in bed wide awake at 4:30, I decided to start writing more in the blog. Writing has always been my way of getting my thoughts and feelings out in the open even when I didn't really know how I was feeling and I haven't done it for a very long time so I figured why not start now. So here are my random thoughts for today.
As I was laying awake this morning, I realized that I haven't really had any fears about the baby and being a mom which is very strange since I'm very much a "what if" kind of girl. Well, I finally found my fear, deployments with a child. I don't know how to raise a boy. I thought about this because I realized that the reality of my life is that Kyle will deploy again. I know that Kyle is going to be a GREAT father and will take every chance he gets to teach William how to be a man, but what do I do when he's gone? I just hope that I don't make him a sissy :) My other thought is how do you explain deployment to a child. As an adult, you can wrap your head around they reason your husband has to go clear across the world for 7 months, but how do you explain that to a child? My biggest fear is that William would think that his dad doesn't love him because he's not here. It's my job to make sure that he knows how much his daddy loves him no matter where he's at. I've started coming up with ideas on how to do just that. Whenever I start thinking about Kyle being gone again, I think about one of my favorite verses in Matthew. " Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...." That verse brings me so much comfort anytime I start to worry about the future. I know that God will take care of our family and we will get through any deployment Kyle goes through. No matter how hard the military life can be, I would never trade it for the world but that's a whole other post.
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2 comments:
I'm on a Mom's board of local moms many of whom are military - I don't know how they all do it with deployements but they all seem to manage. I think a key is having a sisterhood of other mommy's that are dealing with the same thing. I've also heard of Daddy dolls - there is a company somewhere that will make a doll with the dad's face on it if you send a photos. Also, I think there is LOTS of skype phone calls etc.
Thinking of you today. XOXOXO Auntie Jean
Some of my fondest memories came from your writings when you were growing up. We got through "difficult" times writing to each other...Don't forget, you were supposed to grow up and write kids books! When Kyle's deployed you can always come live with your Mommy!!!!
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