Sucky 2011 continues

2011 has brought us another "challenge" as my mom calls it. You can read my new blog http://live-for-him.blogspot.com/ to read the news.

Six months already?

One week old

Smiley girl

Always wanting to what brother is doing

Say what?

Kylie is six months old already! I can not believe how fast the time has gone. I'm convinced that time goes by so much faster with the second baby and I'm a little sadden by that...OK A LOT!

The first six weeks of Kylie's life were miserable. Not only were we trying to get used to having two kids, we were also dealing with a very crabby baby who cried ALL THE TIME. We found out at exactly six weeks that she had silent reflux and it was bad enough to put her on medicine. She totally changed once we started her on her medicine. She started smiling at everyone, was happy (as long as there's people around to entertain her), and she started sleeping through the night. Her true personality started to come out. She loves to play peek-a-boo and smiles at everyone she sees. Her favorite person is William and her face lights up whenever he walks into the room. She is sitting up by herself and rolls all over the place although she would rather be walking (which she'll do if you hold her hands while she's standing up). She hates being by herself and would rather sit and watch me cook dinner than play in her bouncy seat in the other room. If she's unhappy, she will let you know and she can go from smiling to screeching at you in seconds. In fact, she flat out yelled at me when she was two weeks old. I hope that she always tells people how she feels and stands up for herself (I may regret that when she's 15).

I have enjoyed the last six months watching Kylie grow and I'm excited for all the changes that are coming in the next six months.

2011 update

I'm going to steal my mom's blog idea and write a post on our not so fun year so here it goes.

This year started off with Kyle starting is new job as a Marine Corps Recruiter. We knew that it was going to be a big change for him and for our family with longer hours and more pressure but we just didn't know how hard it was going to be. It's one of those situations that you hear from other people how hard it is but you don't understand until you're in it. Like everything he does, he's very good at his job but it is VERY stressful and it's hard to see him doing something he doesn't enjoy. The thing I keep telling myself and him is that he could be deployed. At least he gets to come home every night (well almost every night). I try to look at the positives but it's hard sometimes. I don't think things have gotten easier with his job but we've slowly adjusted.

In April I found out my little sister (who is 19 and a senior in high school) was pregnant with twins and she has chosen to live in a house for unwed, homeless mothers instead of with my mom. This pregnancy has brought up a lot of "why God" prayers in my life which I realize is not how it should be but it is. I won't get into specifics but I will say that a lot of changes need to be made on her part for these babies. After six months of being sad, angry, worried, and indifferent, I think I've finally turned the whole situation over to God. I am not in control of her life or her decisions, God is. The only thing I can do is pray and that's what I intend to do. It is still a very difficult situation for my whole family and there are a lot more question marks than I am comfortable with. It's been a struggle for me mostly because instead of my sister and I getting closer and sharing pregnancy stories, this has pulled us farther apart. I really don't know if our relationship will ever be repaired and that is something else I'm not in control of (sorry if none of that made sense). There is only so much one person can do and a relationship is two-sided.

On top of that, my little brother went to live in a rehabilitation boys school in Kentucky about two months ago. This was not something that any of us wanted to happen but it was very much needed. He was very angry at everyone and was starting to get violent with my mom. I can honestly say she tried everything before she made this decision and it was not made in hast. He will be there for at least a year. I really don't think I've dealt with the fact that he isn't around and won't be for a while. I haven't let the thoughts of missing him and him missing out on family events into my mind. I refuse to think about them or deal with them. I look at the situation very logically and I don't let my emotions in at all. That's the only way I know how to handle this right now. I haven't cried, I haven't gotten angry, I haven't gotten sad. I refuse to let myself go there. Maybe I'm avoiding my feelings because I feel like I need to be the strong, logical one right now. I don't know. I know someday I will let those feelings in and I will have a breakdown but for right now I'm OK with burying those feelings.

There have been some good things to come out of this year. The first (and most important) is Kylie's birth. She is already six months old (I'm going to write and update later)! I can't believe time has gone by so fast. She has brought so much joy and happiness to our family when we really needed it. The other thing that is awesome is being so close to our family that we get to see them a couple times a month. Its been really nice getting to spend so much time with my family. William loves spending time with his cousins, his aunts and uncles, and his grandparents/great grandparents. The only thing that would make it better is to have Kyle's family here too!

Things I've learned from my two year old

This year has been a very trying time not just as a family, but with William. A couple weeks before Kylie was born, the dreaded terrible twos joined our family. Now compared to some kids I've heard about, William is not that bad. He doesn't throw screaming, kicking, tantrums and he listens fairly well, but man that boy is stubborn. If he doesn't want to do something, he completely ignores anything you have to say and would rather be punished than do whatever it is your asking him to do (or not do). He is also very independent and it's a constant battle over what he can do and what he's allowed to do. It's a power struggle between him and I daily. He is also the most loving little boy and he is constantly teaching me new things. Here are a few things I've learned from him.

1) A smile is the best way to greet someone. William has a way of making everyone he meets feel good about themselves. He greets everyone like they are his favorite person in the world. Even people he has just met get an enthusiastic "Hi" with a 1000 wat smile. I realized that I need to start doing that to everyone I come in contact with especially my husband. A lot of times when Kyle comes home I'm in the middle of some project or chore and instead of stopping for a moment to greet him, I give him a quick hello. I'm sure that makes him feel like whatever I'm doing is more important than him

2) Everyone is equal. A toddler doesn't care how much money you have, what you look like, what kind of clothes you wear, what kind of car you drive, your social status, etc. Their judgement of people is how a person treats them. I am a judgemental person to a fault and it's something I am constantly working on. I love watching William interact with people because he could care less about who they are as long as they are nice to him. I want to be more like that. I want to quit judging people by what they have or what they look like or what they wear and start paying attention to their character.

3)He asks for help. This is something I'm awful at. I try to do it all and I'll wear myself down before I ask for help even from Kyle. I am learning how to ask for help when I need it but it's hard.

4) He has a servant's heart. One of the things that has surprised me the most about William since Kylie was born was how helpful he is. If we ask him to get something, especially for Kylie, he rushes to get it. He is always helping me "clean" and when I ask him to help pick up he does. I am not very good at this especially in my walk with God. Sometimes I hear the call of God to do something or help someone and I ignore it because I have my own stuff to do. This is something I really need to work on.

These are a few things I've learned from William this last year. I never imagined my baby boy could teach me so much.

Adoption-older VS younger

Someone recently asked me if I wished my siblings had been adopted at a younger age. They were wondering if that would have made a difference in their stories. I can honestly say I don't know. I think that no matter how a child is when they're adopted, there is always a feeling of loss. They always wonder who they look like, who their parents are, why they were given up, and they go through a period when they don't feel good enough for anybody. How many times have you sat down with your parents and compared baby pictures to see which parent you looked like more. Have you ever talked to your family about what genes you share (this is a common occurrence in our house because we have some strange genes that we all share). Adopted children don't get to have these conversations (obviously open adoptions are the exception). For my siblings, all they have are pictures to see who they look like and for one of them, they don't know what their birth father even looks like. In this sense, no matter what age a child is, adoption is always difficult.
I think if my siblings were younger when they were adopted they might not have some of the attachment issues they have now. If they were adopted as babies I know they wouldn't have some of the bad experiences they've had. I can't say that they wouldn't for sure have attachment issues because even kids who were adopted as babies deal with attachment issues. They would probably have an easier time being part of a family though. For all three of the youngers, none of them knew what it meant to be part of a family. They have never had to do chores as a family, they've never sat down for a meal as a family, they've never gone to church as a family, they've never celebrated holidays as a family, etc. All the things we take for granted every year, these kids have never experienced until they were adopted. Imagine going to a random person's house during the holiday season. You have no idea what their traditions are. All these people you're with know what's going on but you're just kind of thrown into the mix. But you're supposed to be part of the family. I don't know if I'm making any sense but I'm trying. In this sense, I think it would be easier if my siblings were adopted when they were younger.
On the flip side, sometimes I wish I was younger when the youngers were adopted. By the time AJ was adopted, I was 18 and already living on my own. When RJ and T were adopted, I was living in a totally different state and engaged. Sometimes I wish I had been younger so that I could have had the experience of living with them. Like I said before, I don't know if anything would have helped with their attachment stuff, but maybe if I had been around all the time, my relationships would be different. It's one thing to be the cool sibling that comes around every now and then and it's totally different when you share their everyday life with them. I have always said that I don't think of them any differently than I do my biological brother, and in some ways I don't, but in other ways I do because I don't really know them because I'm not there everyday.
I know this post is really scattered but I hope I answered the question about the kids being adopted at a younger age. I really don't know if it would have helped but I think some things would have been easier.

Advice for adoptive parents

I always think about what advice I would give parents that are adopting that already have older kids. When I got pregnant with Kylie, people were always giving me advice on how to transition William into being an older brother. Since I've had Kylie, one of the most asked questions is how is William doing with a new sister. It's strange to me that there isn't any information on how to help an older child handle an adopted sibling. Nobody asks the parent, or the older child for that matter, how things are going for them once the adopted child is home. Is it any different? Personally, I don't think so. The situation is different. There might be different problems especially if you are adopting an older child but the child that was already there still feels the same things. They still feel jealousy. They still wonder where they fit in now because their family dynamic has changed. They still feel replaced at times. The feelings are still the same.

One of the biggest thing a parent can do to help the older child during the adoption is to keep the older child involved as much as possible. I had already moved out by the time AJ's adoption was going through so I was a part of the adoption from far away. It was my fault for not being very involved but I wish that my parents would have forced me to be more involved. Have family meetings with all the older children to talk about the adopted child. Talk about where they're from, how old they are, share pictures, share stories, talk about their history like have they been in an orphanage, with foster parents, or with their biological parents. If you travel to get the child, bring back souvenirs and lots of pictures to share with the older kids especially if you got out of the country. Keep the older child involved in the process. Let them know where you are in the adoption process and what's left. Once you get a date to get your child, keep a countdown so that everyone is aware of when the new child will be coming. Let them help you decorate the room and pick out new clothes. Have the older child talk to the adopted child as much as possible whether through letters or phone calls. Have them be a part of the everyday boring stuff of the adoption.
Another thing a parent can do to help is talk to the older child about the possible issues the adopted child will have once they come home. This is especially important when adopting older children. I know that every child is different but I was totally unaware of what RAD was and how it would affect my relationship with any of the kids. When AJ came home, I had these dreams about going shopping, sharing secrets, have sleep overs, and being close. I didn't realize that her RAD would keep her from having a "normal" sibling relationship. Many adopted children don't even know what it means to be part of a family especially those that have been in an orphanage. They don't know what it's like to have chores, to have holidays with a family, to spend time as a family. I think my relationship would be different with AJ if I hadn't pushed my dreams on her so hard in the beginning. I don't think it would be what I had dreamt it would be but it would be different than what it is now.
Another thing parent can do to help their older child or children deal with the adoption is to take time to spend with them and listen to what they have to say. My mom did a really good job of letting me talk (once I figured out what I wanted to say). As silly as it sounds, I was jealous of AJ when she came home and I still am jealous of the all the younger kids every once in awhile. They have a different relationship with my mom than I did growing up. My mom is able to spend more time with them and take them on trips and buy them the things we couldn't afford. I am extremely happy for them but at the same time I can't help but feel a little jealous which is totally normal. As an older child, I needed to know that what I was feeling, no matter how silly I thought it was, was ok and normal. If your older child doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about how they feel for whatever reason, take them to a counselor. If they aren't able to talk through their feeling about their new siblings, they will eventually start to resent them.
I think the most important thing a parent can remember is that even though your child is older and you are not physically having a child, adoption is the same thing. Kids still feel the same way and their place in the family is different just like when a new biological child is brought into the family.

Intro to adoption blog

Introduction
I have been wanting to start a blog about my experiences with my adopted siblings since I have yet to find any blogs or books written from the perspective of an older, biological child plus I need an outlet to vent and get my thoughts out. I haven't started a blog before now because I have always struggled with how to start it. Since there has been some struggles going on with one of my younger, adopted siblings, I have had the need to get my thoughts out even more. I finally decided that not knowing how to start this blog was not a good enough excuse anymore. I figured that the best place to start was a short introduction and background to my family. I promise there will be more detail in the coming posts.

I was 18 and living on my own when my first adopted sibling came home. Up until that point, it had only been my biological brother (T.P.) and I. We're two years apart and we have always had a love/hate relationship (we still do). For as long as I can remember, adoption was always talked about in our family. My mom had always wanted to adopt and would spend hours on adoption websites. The thought of having another sibling that I might actually get along with was fine with me. My dad was always the one who drug his feet about adopting. When they finally agreed to adopt I was already a senior in high school. They agreed to adopt an older girl from Guatemala (my dad is fluent in Spanish and wanted to adopt from a Spanish speaking country). They found a facilitator that specialized in Guatemalan adoptions and we were matched with A.J. She was 10 when she came home and she DID NOT like me for about the first year (more on that in another post). She is now 18, a junior in high school and a very smart, funny, loving, young woman who definitely has her share of issues and is currently giving my mom quite a few gray hairs.
About two years after A.J. came home, my mom and dad divorced. They were planning on adopting A.J.'s biological siblings so all the paperwork was current. Before my mom's paperwork expired, my mom decided to adopt again. This time she chose Brazil and was matched with a sibling pair, T and R. By this time I was living in another state and was engaged so it was a little difficult trying to establish a relationship as their sister instead of some stranger who called every couple days and sometimes came to visit (again, more on my relationship with them later). T 14 is and R is 12 and they've been home for four years now. T and R also have their share of problems but I have never known two kids their age who work so hard and will do anything you ask them to do. T is a beautiful and very loving young woman. R is extremely funny and has the best smile of anyone I know.
All three of the youngers have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) which is to be expected of older, adopted kids so they all have a hard time connecting to family members like a biological child would. Their journeys have definitely been difficult and there have been many trying times as a sibling but I can honestly say that I can't remember my life before them ( I have memories but I don't remember what it was like without them in my life). I can say without any doubt that God placed all three of them in my life for a reason and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

Kylie Rae (Long)

I've been totally slacking on my blogging lately. I started a new blog to write about my experiences being an older child to adopted kids and since I can't remember my password to get into that blog, I'm going to use this blog to write about all that fun stuff. Before I do that though, I figured I should write a little about Kylie Rae!

Kylie was born on March 25th at 10:21 pm. My labor was so different from William. It was easy and smooth and fast (compared to 20 hours with William, anything is fast). I had been having contractions for many weeks and was taken off bed rest at 36 weeks and everyone, including the doctor, thought I would go into labor that weekend. Kylie had different plans though. On the 24th I started having contractions that were closer than the normally were but they weren't painful so I went to bed not worried about anything. The next morning, my contractions were still about 4-5 mins apart but since they weren't painful, the doctor didn't want me going to the hospital just yet. Finally around 3:00, Kyle told me we were going to the hospital even though I wasn't in pain because he "refused to deliver his baby at home".

We arrived at the hospital about 3:30 and I was only 3 cms dilated. The nurse gave me an hour to dilate to 4 or I was going home. We walked around for an hour and that did the trick. My contractions still weren't painful at all so we hung out in the room watching March Madness. Around 9:00, my contractions got really painful fast so I got my epidural. I was only about 6 cms at that point so my mom decided to start heading home about 10:00. As soon as she left the room I started feeling a ton of pressure so the nurse checked me. I went from 6-10 cms in about a half hour so we called my mom back and I started pushing around 10:15 and she was born at 10:21 weighing in at 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long.

Since her birth was different than William's we should have known that she was going to be a very different baby. The first six weeks were miserable. She cried ALL THE TIME and would only sleep while being held. She slept in our bed on my pillow and had to be forehead to forehead which at first was really sweet but then got really hard to get good sleep. I finally took her into the doctor at six weeks and she was diagnosed with reflux and put on medication. Since then she is a totally different baby. She is easy going, sleeps through the night, and is very happy. At that appointment she was also diagnosed with an umbilical hernia that will have to be surgically repaired. She has an appointment for that next week so we'll find out then when her surgery is.

William is an amazing big brother. He is totally in love with Kylie and she is in love with him. He loves to get her binkie when she cries and he keeps his eye on her when someone else is holding her. He loves to give her kisses and hugs and his new favorite thing is to lay down next to her when she is playing on her mat. It is so cute to watch. I can't wait to see their relationship grow as they get older.

Times you go hmmmm.....

My failed attempt at getting

a cute picture of the kids......

2010 In Review

I've been meaning to write this post since the beginning of the New Year but it always seems like something else comes up. Since William is on his second nap and I just can justify taking a second one with him, I figure now is as good of time as any.

2010 in the Parrish home brought some very big changes. It started off with the possibility of Kyle having to go on Recruiting duty. He had gotten out of his orders twice before (due to him teaching his class) so we pretty much figured it wouldn't be any different this time. We very quickly figured out that there was no getting out of these orders no matter what Kyle tried to do and he tried everything. We really felt like God was shutting every door on us and that Kyle was really supposed to be a recruiter. We spent most of the year knowing that we were moving but we had no idea where. It's really difficult trying to plan a move when you don't know where you're going to end up. In August Kyle started recruiters school and a month after he started we found out we would be moving to Wenatchee, WA. We were both excited because we wanted to be closer to family and you can't really beat the views in WA. Kyle graduated on his birthday, October 21st, and we moved from San Diego to WA November 2nd.

The other big change hasn't exactly happened yet but we found out that I was pregnant on July 22nd. I'm due April 1st and we're having a little girl. We were both extremely shocked to find out we were having a girl. We both thought that we would only have boys but we are excited to have a little girl in the house. After we came up with William's name, we decided that if we ever had a girl we would name her Kylie (after Kyle) Rae (after my mom, grandma, and great-grandfather). The closer I get to my due date the more and more excited I get to meet this little girl but I'm also very nervous about having a new baby and a very active toddler in the house.

Speaking of the very active toddler, we celebrated William's first birthday this May. He is an amazing little boy and I thank God everyday for bringing him into our lives. He is so funny, very loving, and very much ALL BOY! He recently has decided that he needs to hit and kick everything in the house and that every toy he has is a weapon. He loves to wrestle and tackle Kyle and just like his daddy, he thinks he's the funniest thing on this Earth. He says quite a few words but he's determined to just jabber full sentences at you and we are slowly figuring out what he's trying to say. He pretty much skipped saying just words and went right to full sentences. He is a very loving little boy and will give kisses and hugs to pretty much anyone who asks and every once in awhile I get him to sit still enough to cuddle with me. He is very interested in my belly and pulls my shirt up and gives "ya-ya" (Kylie's nickname from William) kisses and high fives. Hopefully he'll be this loving when she gets here.

I'm very excited to see what 2011 brings to our house although I could do without another move :)

A family update

I realize that I haven't posted in a very long time and I really don't have an excuse. Anyways, here's my long overdue family update.

This month we celebrated William's first birthday! I can't believe he's already a year old. He is such a joy and is such a happy baby. He is constantly smiling which is very contagious. We got to spend his first Easter in Alabama with Kyle's family and with the exception of being a bit overwhelmed, he did amazingly well even on the 5 hour flight home. A couple days after we got home he started walking and hasn't stopped. He would be very happy if he could be running too. He's still in the 99% for height but is only in the 47% for weight. The doctor said not to worry since he eats ALL THE TIME but he's constantly moving. I really wish I had his metabolism! He is slowly starting to talk. He says dada, daddy, doggy, Jack, bath, and done but still refuses to say mama. I will ask him to say all of the above and try to sneak in mama but he just sits there and acts like he can't hear me. He is so stubborn (gets that from his father). He loves being in water whether it's a pool or a bath. He is very loving and will walk over to Kyle and I just to give us a hug or a kiss. My heart just melts every time he does it. A friend of mine told me that the biggest changes come between 12 and 18 months so I'm so excited to see how much he changes in the next couple months.

The big news of our family is that we are moving around the beginning of Nov. Kyle got recruiting orders and will be done with the school around the end of October. We won't know until the second week of September where we will be moving to. We would love to move to either Spokane or Mobile to be close to family but so far it looks like that won't be an option. We're both kind of excited and bummed out about his new job. Neither one of us is looking forward to the actual recruiting aspect of it because recruiters have extremely long hours including the weekends but we're kind of excited to move somewhere new and it's a great career opportunity for Kyle.

We are going to be quite busy this summer. Johana is coming to stay with us for the whole summer and Tati will be here half of the summer. Mom and RJ will be here in the middle of July to celebrate Jae's 18th birthday. It will be so fun to have all of them here and I'm really looking forward to spending so much time with the girls.

William update

I realize that it has been three months since my last "William" update. I can't believe how fast time has gone! I'll get right to the update...

William started crawling and he is so fast. For about the first month he was still getting used to crawling and didn't really go anywhere. He enjoyed the comforts of the living room and he was good with that but once he figured out that there was more to the world than just the living room, he was off and wanted to look in every room of the apartment. Did you know you can lose a baby in an 1,100 sq foot apartment? I didn't know that until it happened but you can. He loves playing with the scale in the bathroom and he recently learned how to open up the cabinets in the kitchen and pull out whatever is in that cabinet. Metal mixing bowls can get REALLY loud.

William is also pulling himself up and walking around furniture. Since he started pulling himself up he has earned the nickname booboo. He is very adventurous but hasn't quite figured out that he can't stand by himself yet and just because you can climb over something doesn't mean you should. We have at least one major accident a day and I've come to realize that I'm going to have the child in the class with a permanent bruise on his forehead. I'm actually really excited for him to start walking. I look forward to running around with him and going for walks. I'm also ready for my back to quit hurting from carrying him everywhere :)

William and I flew up to Spokane for a week to go to the family condo in Idaho. I've been going there for as long as I can remember so it was pretty cool getting to take William up there. It was also so much fun to hang out with my family and William loved playing with all the kids.

We've started feeding him more "adult" food and he really doesn't ever stop eating. His favorite food is green beans and will eat the whole can (small one) if I let him. He also loves goldfish crackers, Cheerios, and Cantaloupe.

The last couple months have brought about a lot of changes and it is so much fun watching him grow. He has such a personality and is constantly smiling and laughing (usually at himself). I am so blessed to have such a healthy, loving baby boy.




"

Lovin' Aunty Tati

Wrestling with Uncle RJ
All bundled up to go to the pool
Giving Aunty Jae a kiss



First Christmas

Meeting Aunty Ashley for the first time

3 Years

November 25, 2006 started out like any other day but it was the day that changed my life forever. When I went to a friends wedding I didn't realize that I would meet my husband. I am so grateful that I am married to such an amazing man and I can't wait to see what God has planned for us in the future.

6 Months! (a little late but worth the wait)

I can't believe that William is already 6 months old. I remember thinking when he just came home that 6 months seemed so far away and now it's come and gone.
So much has happened this last month. It amazes me how much he changes every month. We started William on solid food. It took him about two sittings before he realized that he liked the stuff and he's never looked back. He started eating a couple bites once a day. After two days he started eating two jars twice a day. My boy likes his food!
William is now sitting by himself. He definitely doesn't do anything until he is good and ready to. We had been working on him sitting and he could do it but he refused to do it unless we were sitting right behind him. And then one day he just decided to start doing it by himself and hasn't quit. He's still not crawling but he has learned how to roll and is very happy to do that and not crawl. For about three weeks we keep thinking he's going to crawl any minute because he rolls over on his stomach, pushes up on his arms, gets up on his toes and pushes off and that's as far as he gets. After his first initial push off he then rolls over and begins rolling around the house. I'm convinced that this is his form of crawling and he's going to skip over the "normal" way of crawling.
We have had a very busy month. Kyle's dad and step mom came down to visit for 4 days. We all got VERY spoiled with them down here and can't wait to see them again. My mom came for a weekend and took care of William so Kyle and I could go out on a date and stay the night at a hotel for our anniversary. It was very much needed and we enjoyed it. I was surprised at how well I did leaving William for the whole night for the first time. I think it helped that it was mom taking care of him and we were only 5 minutes away. This last weekend my best friend and her husband came to the states from Australia and we met up with them in LA. We spent one day in Santa Monica doing the tourist thing and then we went to the San Diego zoo the next day. William did amazingly well for being drug around everywhere for two days.
*pics to follow shortly*

Adoption (warning: long)

Disclaimer: This post is about adoption so I have used my mom and siblings as examples. Also, I have struggled for almost two weeks to find the words I want to use to write this post so my words might be all over the place.

A couple weeks ago, the Today Show featured a story about a woman who gave her adopted child to another family because they weren't bonding (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33089578/ns/today-parenting_and_family/). I DO NOT agree with her decision to adopt the baby in the first place or give him to another family, I am trying not to judge her decision and this post is not about that. The hardest part about the interview was having to hear her be called a hero. I'm sure that the decision she made was a hard one and I'm sure she didn't take it lightly but in my opinion the decision she made does not make her a hero. The people who adopt and deal with attachment disorders and issues daily are the true heroes.

I have three adopted siblings who were adopted as older children and who have attachment issues. Like this woman, my mom did her research before she adopted and knew how to deal with the attachment issues according to the literature and the therapist but until you adopt a child with attachment issues you really don't know how to deal with it and each kid is different. What may work with one child won't work for the next. Like hundreds of parents who have adopted children with attachment disorders, my mom works with my siblings daily and some days are much harder than others. My sister J was 10 when she came home from Guatemala. She lived with her biological mom up until my mom and dad went to pick her up to bring her home. She was old enough to have a bond with her bio mom and she came home with plenty of memories. She formed an attachment with my dad fairly quickly but refused to get close to my mom or I. If my mom told her not to do something she would roll her eyes and stomp off. I remember the first Mother's Day she spent with us she walked right up to my mom and said "I'm not going to get you anything for Mother's Day because you're not my real mom." I could see the hurt on my mom's face but she said "it was ok because even though she wasn't J's bio mom she was still her mom and would be forever."

T was 10 and R was 7 1/2 when they came home from Brazil. They had lived in an orphanage most of their life. T has some memories of her bio family but all R remembers is that his dad was tall. Even though they didn't have a "family life" they were very used to living on the street and doing things on their own and not having someone telling them what to do. Part of the adoption process in Brazil is for the adopted parents to to go there for six weeks to make sure they the family is a good fit. The first day mom met the kids, they went home with her to the hotel and all hell broke loose. Mom had to hide all the knives because R chased her with one. She had to unplug the phone from the wall and hide her cell phone because the kids would call random numbers and tell them they needed help. She couldn't take a shower for three days because they would either destroy the hotel room because they couldn't get out or they would get out and run away. The lawyer finally stepped in and the kids settled down enough for them to get acquainted with mom. When they came home, T & R would talk to each other in Portuguese and would totally ignore mom. T was more receptive to mom's love but is still struggling with trusting her. She constantly has to know what is going on, what the plan for the day is, where mom is going, and when she's going to be home. If they are planning a trip T has to know when they are leaving, what time they are leaving, what they're going to be doing every minute of every day, why they are going, when they are going back, and how far away it is. She has to have complete control because she doesn't trust anyone but herself. When she first came home she would tell mom that Brazil was better than the states and had a fantasy built up in her mind of how life used to be for her. R is probably the most attached of the three but is about three years behind his peers in maturity and development. When he first came home he was prone to violent outbursts that would sometimes last weeks because he was upset about something. When he remembered to put on clean underwear, he would put them on backwards and inside out. He repeatedly told my mom that he hated her and wanted to go back to Brazil.

All three kids are still dealing with attachment disorders but because of my mom's love and hard work, they have made tremendous strides. J now tells mom she loves her daily and will actually talk to mom about her problems. She was the most improved student at school two years ago which is amazing since she never attended school in Guatemala. T still tries to control stuff when she is stressed out but she will talk to mom about it instead of trying to take control which means that she is starting to trust mom. R is still struggling to catch up to his peers but he is doing very well in school and puts his underwear on correctly every day. He still gets upset but reacts like most kids and is only upset for a little bit. He has even started apologizing when he gets upset.

I know that there are many families who are raising adopted kids who have attachment disorders, some worse than my siblings. I also know there are days when those parents feel like they can't continue raising their kids because it's too hard and they feel like they aren't making any progress but they keep loving their kids unconditionally and parenting them with everything they have because they are true heroes.

4-5 Months

William's 5 month birthday was spent at the airport welcoming home our good friend Evan from Iraq. He was there for 6 months as a contractor so it was good to see him get home safe and sound and reunite with his daughter and baby girl and it was a great way to spend the day. William is still sleeping very well and changing everyday. He is growing so much everyday and rapidly growing out of his clothes. He has quite the personality on him and LOVES to be the center of attention. When he's awake, our house is never quite because he is constantly cooing or screeching at the top of his lungs. He is learning how to tripod (sit up) and when he's on his stomach he is pulling his legs up under his stomach which is the start of him learning how to crawl. I'm hoping that he holds off the crawling for a couple more months because I am not ready to try to keep up with him. This month is pretty busy too. We're excited to see Kyle's dad and step-mom in the middle of this month and to celebrate Kyle's birthday. And of course we're excited for William's first Halloween. We still don't have a costume for him because Kyle "can't figure out the best costume for him."
That's about all that's been going on. Hopefully next month I won't wait so long to write an update. Here's some pictures from our trip to Spokane

Meeting Papa for the 1st time
Auntie Sara and William
Meeting Nana

Grandpa Stan

Meeting Uncle Tig for the first time. I love this picture of Tyler. He fell in love with William

Meeting Bobpa

Hanging out with Nana Shirley

Auntie Tati loving on William

Naked Pics

Everyone needs to take naked baby pictures and I am no exception to the rule. I personally think that they are for future blackmail plus they are just so cute. Please don't mind the dirty mirror. I didn't notice how dirty it was until I downloaded the pictures on the computer. Anyways, enjoy!

3 Months

Like true Anna-Lisa style, I'm just now getting to William's 3 month update. At least I'm only a couple days late!
It seems like William has grown up a lot since last month. He has started sleeping about 10 hours at night which is VERY nice for mom and dad. We are now formula feeding him so I'm sure that helps out. He has no interest in rolling over yet, but he loves rolling over to his side just enough to make us think he's going to go all the way and then he stops on his side and lays there. He is still talking up a storm but he is actually talking to more than just the blinds. He weighs about 14 pounds now and for those of you keeping track, that's double his birth weight already! His favorite thing to play with these days are his hands. He spends all day sucking, licking, and trying to put his whole hand in his mouth. He is even willing to try other people's hands and arms if you want to share. He now flirts with any female that wants to pay attention to him which worries his mama just a little but of course his dad encourages. He still is a very easygoing baby and we can take him anywhere with us. We have truly been blessed and I can't wait to see how much he grows over the next month.

My little Aggie
MMM...So good

Yummy

Mom, you're in my way. I can't see the tv

Ugghhh....I hate tummy time!

Happy Birthday to a very special lady

Happy birthday mama!! Today is my mom's birthday and I wish I was there to celebrate with her. My mom is an amazing person and gives everything she has to her kids and never complains. Kyle makes fun of me daily because my mom is one of my best friends and we talk at least once a day every day. I wish that she lived closer so I could see her everyday and she could watch William grow up and help me when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I hope that I can be the mom to William that she was to me. I love you mom and I'll see you soon. Have a wonderful birthday and make those siblings of mine take care of you and treat you like the queen you are.

P.S. William says that you are a great grandma but you don't look old enough to be his grandma.